we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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