We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I am one with the molecules
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
