Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
