I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Randomize
