I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
