I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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