There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
