If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
she peed on how many people?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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