i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
