Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
