I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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