if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
