well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
