im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
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