idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
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You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
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How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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