I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I am mentally ready for anal.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
