Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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