No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
