I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
