My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
