I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
