Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
