"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
