Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
