Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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