Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
