I'm going to jail i love you
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
