I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
