i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
You can't special order awesome
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
