omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
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It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
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I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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