There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
