he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
