Whod you bang
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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