They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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