I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
