I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
