please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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