watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
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Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
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Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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