the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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