I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Randomize
