this beer tastes like vomit already
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
