Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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