Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
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I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
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then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize