im drinking this country out of the recession.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
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