At least make sure they are 18
Why
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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