Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
