Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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