You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
We had sex on a dog bed..
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
