I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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