I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
