She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You were trust falling into bushes
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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