I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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