i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
