Banned from zoo.
Again?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
