By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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