It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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