a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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