my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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