ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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