Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
two words: eviction party
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
