Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
