I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
3 2 1 whiskey
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
