Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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