Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
