There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
