she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
