i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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