Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
