the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
