If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize