I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
