I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
