literally had 100 drinks last night.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
