what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
