In the future we'll all be gay
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
