Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
