I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
