i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
