The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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