Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
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But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
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I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
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